Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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