12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
