i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
