So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.