i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
