HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
