Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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