The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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