so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
