His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
