My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
