Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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