last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize