smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
