i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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