hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
