i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
