Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
