And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
