what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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