Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
