Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
