I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
