god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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