Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
