YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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