Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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