And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
