My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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