Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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