thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
