Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
