dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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