in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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