is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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