We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
