it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
