No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
