we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
