You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
