Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The adults are the big ones right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
