Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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