Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
