why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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