wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
