just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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