phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's blow job season.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
