Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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