I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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