listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
