First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
