so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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