you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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