i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
