Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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