I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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