Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
