Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
