Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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