I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
