between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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