So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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