i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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