Soap is not a condiment
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
